This follows the previous post, and is mandated as a response to bhavna’s comment on it. So please read the previous post and its comments before reading further.
First, I strongly believe that in the Indian society, marriage is definitely the only consequence of love. The other options of two people loving but not getting married are not really socially acceptable in India. I am not implying that they do not exist, all I am saying is that a massive part of the Indian society is still strongly against them.
That settled, let me move ahead. One topic coming out of this discussion is the definition of love. How does a person know when he/she is in love with another? How do others judge if two people are actually in love?
An interesting observation here is the conflicting views about love. It is said that loving is all about letting go, leaving the other person free…etc etc. However, a flip side to this is the fact that if a person really loves you, and wants to be with you, then he/she should stand by you during the tough times when you are talking to your parents. Contradicting, right?
I tend to believe that the whole philosophy of letting go is just existing for the consolation of people who have been dumped in love. The human mind needs something to hand on to, and in tough times the sole consolation of “true-love-being-in-letting-go” is what helps you through it.
In my opinion, true love is in wanting to stay with the person you love…always being in the company of the one you love, be it in reality, or in your head. Leaving or letting go are not options in love.
Another question is, is it love only when both people are in love with each other? I again disagree. One sided love is a very painful reality. It is like chasing a dream, it is stupid, it is senseless. But as with love, if it happens it cannot be stopped. As love knows no rationale.
I do believe that an important aspect of love is respecting the feelings of your partner. And making all attempts to keep your partner happy. This is why when I was told to leave, I have always left. Not because I believed that love is in letting go…but simply because for me, love is always keeping the other person happy. And if her happiness is in breaking off and going away…so be it.
Shouldn’t get personal….
Now the interesting discussion of obeying our parents, or rather not obeying them…well I don’t see why the other option is so easily ignored. Fine, my parents are my parents…but I am their child too…I too deserve some level of trust, love and respect from them. And at a mature age, I would certainly wish that they stand by me in the decisions I take in my life. I am fine if they stop me from taking a decision on a genuine reason, I will accept such a mandate. But reasons that are without reason & logic, well, are unacceptable to me. Our parents have lived for more years than us, but it certainly does not mean everything they tell us to do is the right thing for us. We might accept most of what they tell us, but all of it…I don;t know.
It is not about trust, but it is about the simple fact that everyone makes mistakes…and accept it or not…but our parents are equally susceptible to making mistakes as we are.
At least with my parents, I openly discuss their decisions, ask for the reasons behind them. Call me a bad boy, a disobedient son or whatever, but I do not accept any of their decisions that is not soundly justified enough. I do not lead a life where decisions are made based on hearsay or anything that makes no scientific/logical sense to me…
The advantage is that I never regret even a single decision I have ever made. The disadvantage is that it is tough to live this way. Very tough..there are battles lurking around each corner..and I will strongly dissuade you from following this way of living. It is much easier to accept what your parents say, and live life quietly and happily. My way of life might appear glamorous on the outside, but it is tough. So don’t follow it. Period.
I don;t know if love is the most complex emotion, but it is the most painful. Without question or argument. Everyone who I know, who has loved aomeone at one point or other in their lives, know that it is painful. But it is worth every bit of it.
On this last argument, the defence rests…