The analysis of a heartbreak, and more…

By | January 10, 2007

A recent post on my friend bhavna’s blog really set my mind into action(yes..i can hear the shouts of “its been a really long time since that last happened, duh). Jokes apart, I would first want you to read her thoughts.

Having gone through similar situations in my life(yes, its situations and not situation)…I must say I am well equipped to comment on this. So here goes….

When a person falls in love with another, the mind and heart think as one(yes, if you are in true love, this WILL happen). And the mind follows what the heart say.And all lovers care about is being together with each other.

In the great grand Indian society…togetherness forever is marriage! A man and a woman being good friends, being lovers but not getting married is suspiciously viewed by the so called “society” to the extent of persecution. And then this poor couple, and their love life crumbles under the pressures extered hitherto.

So let us accept that marriage is the only way forward for a couple desperately in love. The next step is of course in convincing the upholders of our families, that is, our parents. Let me add here that cases where close relatives, distant relatives, and even neighbors & “society” in general are big factors in any decision that parents will make. For a person in love, the goal is convincing their parents by hook or by crook that all these factors are nothing when it comes to the happiness of their child.

Unfortunately, this argument does not hold out..it loses to equal(and time tested) arguments of experience, life…and in the worst case if no argument is left..then parents use their ace. The ultimate blackmail of making a choice…between the person you love, and between the people who have raised you and cared for you since you were born.

Needless to say, love loses out. At least in my cases, and in many others that I have seen around me, it does. There is only one case where I have seen a person hold out, not make a choice, and ultimately emerge a winner. But such cases are a rarity. If you don’t believe me, consider yourself in this ultimate blackmail situation for days altogether….and you will also lose out.

Am I making a villain out of the wonderful people that our parents are? Of course not. Yet the fact remains that most relationships fail because of some or the other affects of parental pressures. It is difficult to document all cases here, so I will just leave it at that.

And what antidote do parents have to a heartbreak?Marriage, of course!!I speak so because I have downed this option multiple times in my own life…but I have seen a lot of people take the path of roses..and be happy forever. I do not want such happiness in my life.

Tough to be impersonal…but I will continue…

Now the reasons why lovers are turned down…the biggest in our country is caste differences. All of us, and our parents are really sympathetic to the cause of reservations…and no one wants to divide this great nation based on caste(at least no one sane would).

But when it comes to letting in a person of another caste in our families, we are scared…we are afraid of what the society would say. We lose our appetite, our sleep..our peace of mind…and in extreme cases, get heart attacks..thinking why??Why my family…why my child had to go off and fall in love with a person from another caste???We will go to any extent to stop them from doing so…otherwise our family will forever be cursed with an “outsider”.

This is what goes in a parent’s mind….and the symptoms are clearly indicative…no one eats properly in the household for days…parents stop talking to their children..treating them as outcasts..as if they committed multiple murders in one night…no siree…this is the worst crime possible. The retribution is swift…no is almost always the answer..any opposition is met with the ultimate blackmail i mentioned above.

In all this, what has happened to the lovers? Their relationship stretches to breaking point, and soon the day comes when one begins thinking that getting rid of the relation is the best way forward for both of them. And a love story dies.

A painful death at the hands of people who care…of those who matter…

What happens when a relationship ends?Heartbreak….the mind dissociates itself from the heart…cold brutal logic engages in never ending battles with the heart…the soft heart is cursed endlessly for trusting another person…for expecting…for dreaming that life could be beautiful….

This battle, more than anything, takes a toll. And believe me, suicide often appears as an option. Whether I ever considered it is a story for another day, but i know it does. And the only thing that can keep that thought away is just to keep fighting. Keep trying to survive. Remeber that its always the path ridden with thorns that leads to happiness..just keep removing them from your feet..and keep walking.

And well…real love is in letting go. I can say this because I have let go…more than once…caring for the other person’s well being…not even keeping any malice in my heart or my mind…

Is it easy to forgive? yes it is.

Is it easy to forget? I don’t think so….at least I haven’t been able to.

Is it easy to fall in love again? I don’t know…really….more so because this is something I randomly read…

“you fall in love only once…the rest is just life”

I could go on and on on this..but I must stop…before more memories come back to flood my heart and my eyes…some other day, perhaps.

8 thoughts on “The analysis of a heartbreak, and more…

  1. Twilight Fairy

    Truly heartfelt. It sure is tough to break apart whether from parental pressure or your own.. it sure is like cutting your own cancerous growth.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Sometimes life can seem cruel while you are removing the thorns from your feet and attempting to walk forward with bleeding feet, and a bleeding heart…but remember a true soulmate would never chose parents over the love of their life….so perhaps you have not found yours yet. Best of luck in your search…

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    Well Ashish… I never wanted to say that… but how do you justify the scenario when five men ( all from different castes and religion )desperately feel that they have found their love in one woman… They all are cocksure about she being the ultimate angel of their lives. Specially in the scenario when the lady possess absolutely no feeling about any of them! ( I dont agree that this is a hypothetical situation since it is a reality )?

    If one fine day, the lady starts observing love for Mr. X( who may or may not be one of those five people ), the love will be certified as true as per yourself…. right na? Love as per the common masses is just a matter of coincidence ( i.e. a scenario when two people belonging to different genders feel the same emotions for each other, simultaneously )for common masses but actually is far beyond that, I believe.

    I still maitain that a pure love has to be unconditional… yeah it may happen that u get your love as your life partner too (in case you are a lucky chap). But then that may or may not happen. We have to live with the concept of unconditionality in love. Otherwise how do you justify the emotions of people who are in love for the same lady but either none or only one will get her as the life partner? Or are you into justification of multiple husbands?

    Moreover every lover claims that love is the sweetest emotion (s)he has ever experienced.. So how come the sweetest emotion be so ruthless to disobey your parents?

    It is high time for us to accept the following, I guess:
    1. There are deeper emotions present on earth than the ones which we experience and tag as love.
    2. Aur bhi gum he zamaane me mohabbat ke siva….

    Reply
  4. Megha

    It was in the morning wen i noticed you in TODAY alongwith ur othr bloggin mates!..
    By evening i somehow managed to read Bhavna’s(bhanu’s) entry-u have mentioned in ur post, n YOUR current post too!..
    Well all i can say is..
    I’M MOVED wid wat i have read today!
    It was worth visiting ur blog n hers..through ur comments section-i want to congratulate her too, for writing so beautifully and sensibl-y..
    The posts i read today wer so heartfelt..n True !
    That i really wanted 2 write a mail to u…disclosing wat i felt..!!
    GR8 WORK…
    Kip Rockin…Ashish!!
    Megha…=)
    (http://candidgurl.spaces.live.com)

    Reply
  5. @$#!$#

    @twilight_fairy: it is tough..really..but then life moves on..

    @anon1: well..i don;t know if there is actually someone like a true soulmate…i belive that we find someone we like, and then think that person is our soulmate…but thanx anyways 🙂

    @anon2(bhavna): lots of words there…and i guess u give me the reason to write part 2 of this post…coming up soon

    @megha: thank you 🙂 i paid a visit to your blog..but couldn’t comment there…you write well..do keep visiting coherent rambling 🙂

    Reply
  6. Twilight Fairy

    oh this is u! Had checked out this blog because I had got a hit from here :p 🙂

    Reply
  7. Ashvarya Agrawal

    😀 love is a life other than the normal one but better than the same

    Reply

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