A recent post on my friend bhavna’s blog really set my mind into action(yes..i can hear the shouts of “its been a really long time since that last happened, duh). Jokes apart, I would first want you to read her thoughts.
Having gone through similar situations in my life(yes, its situations and not situation)…I must say I am well equipped to comment on this. So here goes….
When a person falls in love with another, the mind and heart think as one(yes, if you are in true love, this WILL happen). And the mind follows what the heart say.And all lovers care about is being together with each other.
In the great grand Indian society…togetherness forever is marriage! A man and a woman being good friends, being lovers but not getting married is suspiciously viewed by the so called “society” to the extent of persecution. And then this poor couple, and their love life crumbles under the pressures extered hitherto.
So let us accept that marriage is the only way forward for a couple desperately in love. The next step is of course in convincing the upholders of our families, that is, our parents. Let me add here that cases where close relatives, distant relatives, and even neighbors & “society” in general are big factors in any decision that parents will make. For a person in love, the goal is convincing their parents by hook or by crook that all these factors are nothing when it comes to the happiness of their child.
Unfortunately, this argument does not hold out..it loses to equal(and time tested) arguments of experience, life…and in the worst case if no argument is left..then parents use their ace. The ultimate blackmail of making a choice…between the person you love, and between the people who have raised you and cared for you since you were born.
Needless to say, love loses out. At least in my cases, and in many others that I have seen around me, it does. There is only one case where I have seen a person hold out, not make a choice, and ultimately emerge a winner. But such cases are a rarity. If you don’t believe me, consider yourself in this ultimate blackmail situation for days altogether….and you will also lose out.
Am I making a villain out of the wonderful people that our parents are? Of course not. Yet the fact remains that most relationships fail because of some or the other affects of parental pressures. It is difficult to document all cases here, so I will just leave it at that.
And what antidote do parents have to a heartbreak?Marriage, of course!!I speak so because I have downed this option multiple times in my own life…but I have seen a lot of people take the path of roses..and be happy forever. I do not want such happiness in my life.
Tough to be impersonal…but I will continue…
Now the reasons why lovers are turned down…the biggest in our country is caste differences. All of us, and our parents are really sympathetic to the cause of reservations…and no one wants to divide this great nation based on caste(at least no one sane would).
But when it comes to letting in a person of another caste in our families, we are scared…we are afraid of what the society would say. We lose our appetite, our sleep..our peace of mind…and in extreme cases, get heart attacks..thinking why??Why my family…why my child had to go off and fall in love with a person from another caste???We will go to any extent to stop them from doing so…otherwise our family will forever be cursed with an “outsider”.
This is what goes in a parent’s mind….and the symptoms are clearly indicative…no one eats properly in the household for days…parents stop talking to their children..treating them as outcasts..as if they committed multiple murders in one night…no siree…this is the worst crime possible. The retribution is swift…no is almost always the answer..any opposition is met with the ultimate blackmail i mentioned above.
In all this, what has happened to the lovers? Their relationship stretches to breaking point, and soon the day comes when one begins thinking that getting rid of the relation is the best way forward for both of them. And a love story dies.
A painful death at the hands of people who care…of those who matter…
What happens when a relationship ends?Heartbreak….the mind dissociates itself from the heart…cold brutal logic engages in never ending battles with the heart…the soft heart is cursed endlessly for trusting another person…for expecting…for dreaming that life could be beautiful….
This battle, more than anything, takes a toll. And believe me, suicide often appears as an option. Whether I ever considered it is a story for another day, but i know it does. And the only thing that can keep that thought away is just to keep fighting. Keep trying to survive. Remeber that its always the path ridden with thorns that leads to happiness..just keep removing them from your feet..and keep walking.
And well…real love is in letting go. I can say this because I have let go…more than once…caring for the other person’s well being…not even keeping any malice in my heart or my mind…
Is it easy to forgive? yes it is.
Is it easy to forget? I don’t think so….at least I haven’t been able to.
Is it easy to fall in love again? I don’t know…really….more so because this is something I randomly read…
“you fall in love only once…the rest is just life”
I could go on and on on this..but I must stop…before more memories come back to flood my heart and my eyes…some other day, perhaps.